Middle
School. We all remember those dreaded
pre-teen years where we think we have the whole world wrapped around our
fingers. As I look back I remember
starting to wear makeup regularly, wearing jeans that fit quite snug, and
owning a pair of heels. My mother
thought I was growing up too fast, as most mothers probably did, but I insisted
that I was doing what everyone else was doing.
Now when I look at young girls I am so devastated at their inability to
realize how great it is to be young; how great it is to not wear makeup every
day, to wear comfortable clothes, and to not have to wobble around in pain-staking
heels. If my mother thought I was too
young, she would have a heart attack at the thought of these ten and eleven
year old girls dressing like they are twenty two going out to the bar. I speak directly about females because I have
a bit more experience considering I am a female. I do not mean to push aside males, but their
race to grow old is on a far different level than that of young girls. We all know how tempting it is to grow up in
a day, or at least think you’ve grown in a day, but once you do you will
realize the massive disappoint that precedes growing up. Young girls see the portrayal of elegance and
sophistication in the way older women dress but besides the physical aspects,
growing up is something that should not be rushed. It is a little silly anyways; I mean once we
grow up all we want to do is be young again.
If we slow down and enjoy our time being young, maybe being older won’t be
so bad.
If only
we could explain the sheer excellence of being young, maybe these girls could
grasp the idea of how intimidating life really is when we get old. These girls have only just hit the “double
digits”. They are being deprived of the life that they should be living. In magazines, on TV and in movies, all we see
are these fabulous women who seem to live a life of lust and wonder. Who wouldn’t want that? I would.
If it existed. But these little
girls are aiming to be something that doesn’t exist. They are exposed to so many references about
how to dress and act as a woman, but they do not seem to see how to dress or act
as a kid. There are plenty of references out there for
kids, but they aren’t cool or popular so they do not get attention. Instead, young girls are reading celebrity
gossip magazines and watching crude humor on TV and in movies. When there is something aimed at kids this
age that is socially accepted as “cool”, maybe they will tone it down a
bit. I also think that the “mall
epidemic” as I like to call it, is a huge contributing factor in the tendency
to grow up too fast. Kids used to go to
the park to play, but now they go to the mall. Whenever I find myself in a mall, I am always
amazed at the amount of young girls dressed “sexy” strutting around. Flat chested and pre-pubescent, these girls
are all but ready to know what is in the real world; the real world of work,
finance, and yes, even men. It all only
seems so great. In reality, it can be far
from great.
Being a twenty one year old myself,
I am just getting the whole concept of growing up and frankly, it is no
fun. I want all the young girls out
there to know how beautiful of a life they have at their ripe young age; how
the whole world is ahead of them and the makeup, tight clothes and heels can
wait. This all sounds so good in words,
but if we look back and remember being ten, twelve and thirteen years old, they
aren’t going to listen to a thing we say.
Understandably so, considering when I was that age I didn’t want to hear
a damn thing anyone said either. There
has to be a way to stress the importance of living out your youth right up
until you are forced into the responsibilities and obligations of growing
up. Our moral boundaries seem to be
fading while the young is made
old far before their time. With
morals intact, we should work to convince young girls that being young is something
that happens only once, so ride it out as long as possible and do not let the
pressures of society cut our youth short.
Wait a second while I pick up my cane and wave it at the neighborhood kids playing in my yard... Oh, wait. They're each in their own darkened room, communicating via xbox!
ReplyDeleteCurrent research in child development is tending towards evidence that what we think are genetically determined gender differences are in fact environmental, and that differences in brain development between boys and girls happens much earlier than anyone thought. Like for example, the first week of life.
What's the first question someone asks when they meet a baby? "Boy, or girl?" And the answer you give them will change how they interact with the child. People use a higher voice with girls. They are more physical with boys. And research is now showing that... these things matter. That the unconscious ways that people treat infants and toddlers impact their personalities.
So that's why I'm encouraging my children to keep the gender of my grandchildren secret. Pick a neutral name. Dress them in green and yellow, instead of pink or blue. When asked "Boy or girl?" respond, "That's a private matter."
While I agree with your comments, it would be nice to hear your solutions. Children are always trying to act older, once you are approaching 30 the focus is the world of lifting and eliminating wrinkles. One advice would be to stop blaming the media one hundred percent. Parents need to behave like parents and bring some discipline.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I agree with your point that girls are looking to "grow up" too fast, I feel that the biggest flaw in this argument is the outlook of you, its author. Children have always wanted to grow up too fast - there's a famous saying for it: "Youth is wasted on the young." Even if you meant to argue this, what you actually did is present a surprisingly glum image of adulthood, especially for women.
ReplyDeleteA 21-year-old woman who seems to be telling these girls that there is nothing to look forward to beyond childhood (I purposely do not use the word "youth" because you, in fact, are in your youth) is unsettling and upsetting. You mention an overtly sexualized image to which these girls are aspiring, but, perhaps unknowingly, you are part of this problem. The tone of this article suggests that you not only have submissively accepted the societal pressures to be a certain kind of woman but that aspiring to that image is what all women have to do. What you have forgotten is that you do not have to "wobble around in pain-staking heels" or wear makeup and uncomfortable clothes; even if you feel pressure to do so, it is still a choice you are making. Telling young girls that they, too, will have to do this when they get older is disappointing.
Children will always want to grow up before their time: it is part of the process of maturing. And society will always have an unrealistic image of what a woman should be, no matter how much any of us complain about it. If you really want to empower these girls, I suggest you reevaluate your own morals and ideals. Stop teaching them that happiness is a perk reserved for young girls because being a woman is disappointing. Instead, start teaching them about what kind – or kinds – of women these girls can become and how they can enjoy the journey there.
My intent was certainly not to present adulthood as glum, as I fully enjoy being a woman. There is much to look forward to after childhood, but my point is that childhood should be embraced while it can be. My intent was precisely to say that "youth is wasted on the young." My post is referring to girls rushing to be what they see on TV and in magazines. I do not think all girls aspire to be that image, but the ones that do rush into it far too fast. Maybe you think I have "submissively accepted the societal pressure to be a certain kind of woman", but I thoroughly enjoy being the kind of woman I have decided to be. I love to dress up in my heels and makeup. Not everyone does and that is fine. But for the young girls that do want to do these things, they should wait until they are age appropriate. It is disappointing to think that young girls have to do these things, because they don't. My point is not that they feel like they have to be any certain way, but that a lot of girls want to. You are right, it is a choice they can make, but for the twelve year olds making this choice, I am simply saying they should wait a few years. If they never want to wear makeup or own a pair of heels that is fine. But if they do aspire to do these things, they should know it does not need to be rushed. Being a woman is far from disappointing and it is a a shame that is your interpretation. Part of enjoying the journey through life is embracing every part, including childhood. As for a solution, I do not know. As you said, "children will always want to grow up before their time". I just want children to know the value of being in the moment, not just the future.
DeleteFrom my (admittedly patriarchal) position, I see no distinction between the following two sentences:
Delete1. A 20 year old saying, "I love to dress up in my heels and makeup"
2. A 12 year old saying, ""I love to dress up in my heels and makeup"
Presonally, I think both are wrong. (Just ask my daughters...) In other words, I directly challenge your assertion that being 8 years older makes this behavior ok. I don't think it appropriate that anyone, whether male or female, should be socially conditioned into being enthusiastic about wearing orthopedically unsound footgear and slathering chemicals on their face. Let's slide down a slippery slope -- If 12 is too young, when does the behavior you love become age-appropriate? 20? 18? 16? 14? Or does it depend on a physiological change like menarche, or a mental change like abstract reasoning or hyperbolic discounting?
On what basis do you set yourself up as an authority on age appropriate behavior? On saying, "Twelve year olds should be doing thus and so instead of dressing and acting like someone older?"
Not to seem overtly hostile, but it doesn't make any sense to question her authority on a matter concerning women, when you are a male! On what basis do you set yourself as the authority on authority? I believe that this blog is intending to point out that societal norms have a strong effect on all girls, no matter the age. The fact that twelve year old girls choose to parade themselves around as being older and dressing "sexy" is sad. The fact that some women think it necessary to wear make up and walk in painful heels is also sad. The author of this blog is merely attempting to point that out, and to allow children to grow up at there on pace, rather than the predetermined pace of society.
DeleteI assume your last sentence is a typo and should read, "allow children to grow up at their own pace". In which case, who decides what a child's "own pace" for growing up is? Because that is the question!
DeleteYou see, I'm not questioning Ms. Frosting's authority on a matter concerning women. That is why I did not raise this issue, and merely chimed in with my agreement when Holly (a woman) brought it up.
No, I am questioning Ms. Frosting's authority on whether, at age 20, she has the right to declare, "the following behaviors are ok for 20 year olds but not for 12 year olds." She provides no scientific evidence (grounded in psychological studies or medical tests) to support what otherwise appears to be her feelings on the matter.
I am interested in the seemingly defensive or hostile nature of some of the comments here. Throughout the various stages of development, youth is considered something different. Twice so far in this blog have I seen Notelraca refer to pulling out their cane and running with this stereotype. While being fully aware that this is meant to be seen as a joke, it is also fairly "putting in one's place"-ie (made-up words, yay!)
ReplyDeleteWhile I do not believe it was the original intent, the original author expresses how each stage of change brings about a reflectiveness of previous stages:
Ever hear a toddler proclaim, "That's for babies!"?
An older child get upset and say, "I'm a big kid now!"?
A teenager get angry and shout, "I'm not a kid anymore!"?
As we get older, our perception of "youth" or "childhood" changes. Despite my negative examples, we perceive younger generations as having it easier while struggling for our sense of maturity.
Instead of looking at younger people and saying "They don't know what it's like to be older..," perhaps a more productive approach would be to come at it as though you, as a commenter or an author, have once been the age in question, and know that you, too, once felt and behaved the way they did. Even if you don't recall it, you wanted to be older than you were.
I'm 25-years-young, and I had to catch myself sighing when I read that the original author was 21. I was a lot more impulsive at 21 than I am 25. I also felt old at that time, too.
I'm glad that Holly made the point that I, as a male, was not rhetorically comfortable to make -- that the Original Poster at age 20 has accepted the social norm that she must "suffer for her beauty". It certainly doesn't get any traction when I point it out to my 20 year old daughter, after all.
ReplyDeleteI recommend http://www.about-face.org/blog for its detailed posts of how the media pushes unhealthy body imagery, and it's impact on society.
I'm not posturing with "Young people don't know what it's like to be older!" My position is more like, "Young people are uncritically swallowing what tv, movies, and advertising say they must become."